sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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