Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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