Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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