Yo dont text me then not text me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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