Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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