OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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