Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
