He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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