we made out on top of his cat.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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