sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
