He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
