Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
