and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
