I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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