The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
