Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm like, not good at living.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
