Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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