can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
