areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize