I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
