I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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