can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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