Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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