gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize