just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
