we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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