Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
