The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
