there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
