so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
