I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
