The maid of honor just puked.
how can u be prego again
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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