Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
