Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
