I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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