Tell her she can't have a vagina
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
