Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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