Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize