The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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