I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
