turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
