I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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