I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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