there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
