he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
