i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
