i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think my fart just growled at me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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