Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
