just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
