im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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