WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i now understand why vodka
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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