I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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