Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
