I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
