I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
