I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
