question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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