I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
