The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize