my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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