me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
