What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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