Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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