i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
