She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
