dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
