That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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