I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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