What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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