I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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