Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
