3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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