Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My ass is underappreciated
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
