Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
