Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(828): View more from North Carolina

if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.

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(407): View more from Florida

cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.

(1-407): View more from Florida

the diet of an alcoholic...

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(503): View more from Oregon

There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.

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(573): View more from Missouri

They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.

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(954): View more from Florida

I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?

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(913): View more from Kansas

This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.

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(716): View more from New York

We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.

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(404): View more from Georgia

She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.

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