You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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